220 Short Dirty Jokes for Adults
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Table of Contents For The Dirty Jokes Page
Dirty Jokes are everyone’s favorite so I’m consolidating them all right here. This is going to be the ultimate short dirty jokes page on this site. I’m hoping to eventually add every short dirty joke on the site to this one page. As of right now it holds over 200 dirty jokes.
To begin I’m going to show you the top 5 dirty joke of the day which were chosen by the amount of engagement each dirty jokes received on this site as well as it’s social media engagement.
Then I’ve included a gallery with over 100 dirty jokes in image form that you can share on your social media pages if you like.
I’ll then list more than 100 short dirty jokes which are worth knowing/telling to your friends and family.
Last but certainly not least we have 10 dirty knock knock jokes
Let’s face it, there are tons of dirty jokes on the Internet but 9 out of 10 of them are just plain stupid. Those won’t be listed here. I’m trying to only add dirty jokes that are actually funny. If you’d rather not read the dirty jokes and want traditional jokes click here or for the joke of the day click here.
Top 5 Dirty Jokes of the Day
Adult Joke of The Day # 1
I’m not a weatherman, but you can expect a few inches tonight!
Adult Joke of The Day # 2
How is a thunderstorm similar to sex?
You never know how many inches you will get or how long it will last!
Adult Joke of The Day # 3
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence!
Adult Joke of The Day # 4
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put on the wrong sock this morning!
Adult Joke of The Day # 5
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who in the hell runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
100 Adult Joke Gallery – 100 Dirty Jokes
100 Short Adult Joke That are actually funny!
1 What’s still together after all the sh*t they’ve been through? Your butt cheeks.
2. What has 148 teeth holding back a monster? My zipper.
3. What’s the best thing about gardening? Getting down and dirty with your hoes
4. Want to know how to fit 71 people in the car? 2 in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
5. What comes after 69? Mouthwash.
6. What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker could wash her crack and resell it.
7. Want to know a proven way a man and woman can be friends without s3x? Marriage.
8. What’s the difference between a job and marriage? A job still sucks after 10 years.
9. What’s the difference between you and the refrigerator? The refrigerator doesn’t moan when I put my meat in it.
10. What’s the difference between me/you and a mosquito? A mosquito will stop sucking once you slap it.
11. Why don’t witches wear underwear? Because they need a better grip.
12. Why do women talk so much and why do guys think so much? Because one has two lips and one has two heads.
13. Why are women like Popeye? Because once you’re done with the breast and thighs all you have is an empty box to put your bone in.
14. Why does a woman prefer an old gynecologist over a new one? Because the old one has shaky hands.
15. What do a boyfriend and a spider have in common? Women always exaggerate how big it is.
16. What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together we can stop this sh*t.
17. What do a pizza delivery person and a gynecologist have in common? They can both smell it but can’t eat it.
18. Do you need a carpenter? Because I could nail you then hammer you.
19. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? I want you inside me.
20. What rhymes with a kick? Pick (dirty mind joke)
21. What do a good woman and a good bar have in common? Liquor in the front and poker in the back.
22. Dirty mind test: What starts with d and ends with ick? Drumstick.
23. What’s the best waterslide for kids? Your throat.
24. What is the difference between a tire and 365-used condoms? One’s a Goodyear and one’s a great year.
25. What’s white and 14 inches long? Nothing.
26. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotopus.
27. What do you call a nurse with dirty knees? The Head nurse
28. What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common? They both take it in the back and go “Whoot Whoot.”
29. Are you a coconut? I want to smash you until all the white stuff comes out.
30. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? Because his right hand caught on fire.
31. What’s long and hard and full of seamen? A submarine
32. What goes in hard and comes out soft and wet? Chewing gum.
33. What are 3 two letter words that mean small? Is it in?
34. What stays moist when you tie up its legs? A turkey.
35. What’s the difference between Covid and your legs? I don’t want Covid to spread.
36. What do a boyfriend/girlfriend and a math test have in common? They’re both something we could cheat on.
37. What do a lesbian and a mechanic have in common? They both use snap-on tools.
38. What’s the difference between you and a pair of glasses? Glasses seem to fit higher on my face.
39. Every man has one. It feels great when you blow it and if you’re not careful, it may drip. What is it? A nose.
40. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged.
41. What is Moby Dick’s father’s name? Papa Boner.
42. How do you spot a blind guy at a nude beach? It’s not hard.
43. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.
44. If a little person says your hair smells nice. Is that sexual harassment?
45. What’s the difference between you and an egg? An egg gets laid.
46. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say to clients as they’re leaving? Thanks for coming!
47. What do you do when you’re a man trapped in a woman’s body? You pull out.
48. What did the hooker’s right knee say to her left knee? We should get together more often.
49. What is the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A zit will wait until you’re 12 to come on your face.
50. What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
51. What’s better than a cold Bud? A cold Busch?
52. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry her.
53. What do a near-sided gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
54. What’s a woman’s favorite thing to put in her mouth? Top Ramen.
55. What’s the difference between a blonde and a washing machine? A washing machine doesn’t follow me home after I dump a load in it.
56. What’s the difference between a g spot and a golf ball? Men will search for a golf ball.
58. What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common? The longer you play with it the harder it gets.
59. A dad tells his son “Stop masturbating! if you do it too long you will go blind.” The son replied “Dad, I’m over here.
60. What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don’t get the proper support, people will think we’re nuts.
61. What did the police catch the naked man breaking into Zales? They grabbed him by the jewels.
62. What’s a lesbian’s love language? Speaking in the tongue.
63. A woman walks out of the produce section with bad news. She changed the cucumber into a pickle.
64. What starts with the letter c and ends with t? Hairy on the outside and creamy on the inside? A coconut.
65. What do you do when a woman’s choking? Back up a few inches.
66. If a blonde girl says you have a big d___. She’s probably just pulling your leg.
67 What do you call two jalepeños getting it on? F**king hot.
68. Why do boys fart louder than girls? Because they have a microphone and two speakers.
69. What is 6 inches and leave white stuff all over your face? A toothbrush.
70. What are the 2 most important holes in a woman’s body? Her nostrils.
71. What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
72. What’s the difference between a peeping tom and a pickpocket? One snatches watches.
73. A genealogist looks up the family tree, and a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
74. Let’s play carpenter! First, we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.
75. What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
76. What does a robot do after a one-night stand? Nuts and bolts.
77. What belongs to used but gets used by everyone else more than you? Your name.
78. What’s white and sticky and better to spit out than to swallow? Toothpaste.
79. Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter? Pretty nuts!
80. What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!
81. An old lady goes to the dentist, sits down, drops her underwear, and lifts her legs.
not a gynecologist!”
Old Lady: “I know, I need my husband’s teeth back.”
82. Have you heard about the constipated accountant? He used paper and pencil to budget.
83. What did one butt cheek say to the other? A. Together, we can stop this shit.
84. What kind of Bees produce milk? A. Boobees
85. What did the penis say to the condom? A. Cover me, I’m going in
86. What goes in hard and dry and then comes out wet and soft? A. Chewing gum
87. What do you do with a year’s worth of used condoms? A. Melt them into a tire and call it a Goodyear.
88. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? A. Thanks for coming!
89. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
90. How is a boyfriend/girlfriend like a laxative? A. They both irritate the shit out of you.
91. What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? A. Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
92. What did the penis say to the vagina? A. Don’t make me come in there!
93. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? A. Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob
94. Is your name Tanya? Cuz I’m gonna tan ya ass.
95. Are you a termite? Cause you’re about to have a mouth full of wood.
96. I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me.
97. I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you.
98. Do you want to come to my time machine? We stop somewhere between ’68 and ’70
99. Let’s play carpenter. First, we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.
100. If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
101. Are you my new boss? Because you just gave me a raise.
102. I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
103. Do you need a stud in your life? Cause I got the STD and all I need is U.
10 Adult Knock Knock Jokes
Howie gonna hide this dead body?
May I come in?
May I come in who?
May I come in you!
Ivana fuck your brains out.
Ben Dover and I’ll give you a big surprise!
Iguana touch your buttcrack!
Camel toe… do you have any pants I can borrow?
Some dickhead talking to a knock-knock joke.
Some bitch telling you a fucking knock, knock joke!
120 Adult Joke Of The Day – More than 100 Short Dirty Jokes for Adults
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